Mom Blog Work

Yep, you read that right! It is giveaway time on MBW!

We've discussed a few chapters of NurtureShock here on MBW (race, more race and sleep). My copy of the book is full of folded down corners on pages that I found particularly interesting and there are a few chapters I'm planning to reread because I want to discuss them with my husband. On our blog, we focused on the chapters that pertained the most to our particular families but all of the other chapters were equally intriguing. Even my coworker that doesn't have kids picked it up and skimmed through it with interest.

One thing that makes NurtureShock especially interesting (and stand out from typical "parenting" books) are the scientific studies cited throughout the book. I finished the book wanting a second book that told me what I was supposed to do with all this ground-breaking information that turned a lot of my ideas and parenting practices upside down.

Mind-opening, interesting, intriguing and a good read that will make you want more - I say it's a winner!

Win a copy of NurtureShock

Want your own copy of the book to devour and dog-ear? We've partnered with the publishers of NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children to give away copies if their critically acclaimed book to 3 of our lucky readers.

Enter the giveaway in the following ways:

1. Leave a comment below telling what we should write about next (does not have to be NurtureShock-related)
2. Follow @momblogwork on Twitter then leave a separate comment here saying you did so.
3. Tweet about this contest then leave a separate comment saying you did so. Be sure to use the Twitter handles @momblogwork & @nurtureshock.

Deadline to enter is Thursday, 4/1 at 10pm PDT (no joke!). We'll be using randomizer.org to choose the winners and will announce them here on Friday, 4/2. The lucky winners will also be notified via email. The giveaway is open to U.S. and Canada residents only. Good luck!

We're discussing NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children. We're using the book NurtureShock as a jumping off point for discussing some interesting topics. Please join the conversation regardless of whether you've read the book or not - we'd love to hear what you think!

Read Karissa's previous post here.

Karissa, you're totally right about sleep. Since we have little ones, it's a hot topic at our house. But the book makes a good point. We totally obsess about our babies' sleep, but once they start falling and staying asleep on their own (a milestone we've hit with one of our kids), we really stop thinking about it much.

In fact, I really don't think about enforcing bedtime in the same way I do about, say, making sure the kids get their vegetables, etc. In my head, good or bad, I enforce bedtimes mostly because I need the kids to sleep so I can get some work done. It's hard to admit, but it's more about my convenience than it has been about their health and wellness. The truth hurts.

I'm not the only one though. In reading the section about school start times and achievement, the research says that just moving the school start time back an hour significantly affected student performance, particularly with the best and brightest students. Other areas of well-being were affected as well: students reported higher levels of motivation, lower levels of depression, lower incidences of car crashes, etc.

School start times are also scheduled for adult convenience, much in the same way I was thinking about bedtimes. As a employed mama, I totally get this, by the way. It's easier to send your kids to school when you are on your way to work and pick them up when you are coming home. But, if this is impeding their education in such a startling way, we need to make a change. Workplaces need to be more flexible to accommodate their employees who are parents. As a community, we need to recognize that our future depends on ensuring that the next generation is properly educated. If this means that we are slightly inconvenienced by an hour late start time in school, then so be it. It seems like a small sacrifice for such a big gain.

The big takeaway for me on this chapter was that even one hour of sleep missed makes a huge, measurable difference in our children's ability to learn and retain information. Enforcing their bedtime is about more than just schedule predictability and the preservation of this mama's sanity. Now if I could just get my two-year-old on board...

We're reviewing NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children. This is part two on "Talking Race". Read Megan's post here.

The Race chapter intrigued me the most when I picked up this book. We are, like Megan, a multi-racial family with my husband being Filipino-American and me white. My daughter is 3 and just starting to notice and verbalize differences she sees in people be it skin color, size, disability, gender or simply shirt color.

Prior to reading NurtureShock we had talked a little about race in the form of skin color and pointing out who is Filipino or Indian since those are the two ethnic backgrounds with whom she has the most contact - "Lola and Lolo are Filipino." or "Who has darker skin, Mama or Papa?" or "Ms. Anitha is going to India tomorrow - she used to live there. She's Indian. Who else do you know that is Indian?"

Those are easy ones and they seem simple to discuss with her. When it comes down to black and white it gets tougher for me, personally. The words "black" and "white" feel so loaded. I struggle, like both the book and Megan mentioned, not to throw in a "and everybody is equal" at the end of the conversation for good measure. It's almost funny how hard it is not to say something like that!

What stood out to me in the book are three things:

1. Kids use race to categorize - not in a good way or a bad way - just to categorize and to relate. They use race in the same way they would t-shirt color, age, gender, etc.
2. Not talking about race doesn't give children a color-neutral view of the world it leaves them confused or guessing. The book talks about a study where children were asked, "Do your parents like black people?" Here's what happened:
   

   "If the white parents never talked about race explicitly, did the kids know that their parents liked black people? Apparently not: 14% said, outright, "No, my parents don't like black people:; 38% of the kids answered, "I don't know." In this supposed race-free vacuum being created by parents, kids were left to improvise their own conclusions---many of which would be abhorent to their parents."

3. Diverse environments aren't the magic fix. The book leads us to believe that, in the long run, diverse environments create more racial division.
   
   

   "All told, the odds of a white high-schooler in America having a best friend of another race is only 8%. Those odds barely improve for the second-best friend, or the third best, or the fith. For blacks, the odds aren't much better: 85% of black kids' best friends are also black. Cross-race friends also tend to share a single activity, rather than multiple activies; as a result, these friendships are more likely to be lost over time, as children transition from middle school to high school".

   This one made me sad, actually. Really? Wow.

What does this all mean for my family? We're talking about race more, when it fits into the conversation. I'm trying not staying dumb things like, "and everybody can be friends, right?!" in a panicked voice when Mo says "Rodrick is black" or "Avni has dark skin like Papa". And I still smile when I pick her up from daycare and see her sitting next to a white girl, another mixed-race girl and a black boy and her little light brown brother is playing quietly across the room with one of their daycare providers who happen to be Indian, Asian, white and Argentinian.

Despite the studies cited in NurtureShock I still have faith that the mixed environment we choose for Margeaux and Brady is good for them. I think the close friends and family we have from all different races and cultures is sooooooo good for all of us and as long as we make a point of talking about it my kids' friendships just might turn out more diverse. They might be tiny now but that looks right to me - imagine the world if they are all friends in 20 years.

Feel free to join the discussion by leaving a comment below.

Next up - the Sleep chapter! Megan, you're up! I've just reread the chapter about sleep and there's some really great stuff in there. I remember how much you guys struggled with sleep when Alex was a younger...what's your take on it?

Special thanks to Rookie Moms for bringing this book to our attention!

When Karissa and I were last hanging out together, she mentioned that she really wanted to read a book that had been featured over at Rookie Moms called NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children.

It sounded intriguing, so we both picked up a copy and vowed to use this as our first foray into the online discussions we wanted to cultivate here at m+b+w.

(And seriously, when's the last time I read a book, like to learn something? Like something academic - not about vampires or wizards or - wait for it - more vampires? It felt nice to have a reading project!)

I'm now about 1/4 of the way through the book, and I find myself having to stop every paragraph or two and rely the information I've just consumed to whatever living thing happens to be around me. A sign of a good book, no? (Sorry, hon.)

There is so much interesting stuff in this book, but the chapter that I just finished really got me thinking. It's entitled "Why White Parents Don't Talk About Race." The idea is that in an effort to be inclusive, we are actually pushing our children to be more divisive. When discussions about race are avoided, children are forced to form their own opinions, which in many cases the parents would consider abhorrent.

Both of us at m+b+w have mixed-race families; both husbands are Filipino. This chapter made me think: we definitely talk about race and culture more than I did as a child (in my homogeneous white family). We talk about how daddy, Rey and Alex are Filipino, why mommy doesn't tan like the rest of the family, etc.

That being said, I always cringe when Alex identifies someone by their skin color and feel the need to qualify what he's saying, or say something like, "Oh, you mean your friend Vishnu? He's Indian, which means his family comes from the country of India. Isn't he such a nice boy?" which just seems stupid and weird.

On the other hand, it seems counter-intuitive to explicitly point out the racial background of people to the kids. It's as if I'm teaching them to only see how people look different from each other. But really, the truth is they already see the differences. Alex knows his Tita is from Mexico, why not be open about it?

So, Karissa, I'm going to punt this one to you. How do you and your family deal with the issue of race? Do you think you talk more openly about it since your family (like mine) is multi-racial?

Feel free to join the discussion by leaving a comment below.

Special thanks to Rookie Moms for bringing this book to our attention!